Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
