Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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