Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
