Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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