smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
