i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
