New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
