...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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