Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
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