Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
