If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
My bed smells like the plague
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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