Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
