i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
