They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
