i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
you didnt know i had herpes?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
