I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
