I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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