There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
