i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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