first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
