READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize