Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
