I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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