When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
