Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
