We're facebook friends in real life
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Randomize
