My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
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