A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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