Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
