i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
