I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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