a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
