singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
