how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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