Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
