I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
