3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
