you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize