There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
