just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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