Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
