ya dads aren't the best wingmen
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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