Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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