I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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