we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
