Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
