A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I can't turn off my feet"
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
