Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
