so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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