She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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