Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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