If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
