just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
