My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
