Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
