we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
