hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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