three words: i give head
three words: not that well
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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