spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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