we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Randomize
