All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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