I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
