i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
