He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
time to smoke my breakfast
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
