Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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