I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I think weed is turning my hair brown
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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