she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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