tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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