it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
