If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
