He uses pillows to masturbate.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
