Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
40s are totally the cure
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
