Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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