you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
