Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
She made me pour olive oil on her.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
