Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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