btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
only if we run a train.
done.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I'm at about main and main street
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
