i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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