I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
