Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize