If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
false alarm. still invincible.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
How naked do you want me to be?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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