so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
