I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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