pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I want her autograph on my taint
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize