hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
