I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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