I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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