it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
We smell like vodka and hangover
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