I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize