Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
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