The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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