After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
