you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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