Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
