Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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