mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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