he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Do you have feelings for this penis?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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