The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
