On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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