i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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